by cheri block
I remember a radio promotion spot that ran for several years called the See Clearly Method. As I understood it, one could avoid, or even throw away, eye glasses and contact lenses after enrolling in such a remarkable program.
It all came down to concentration; the promoters promised as such.
In my case, that meant if I had truly focused on those black objects I saw trotting along our fence line, my ocular muscle memory would change and that phalanx of what I was sure were black Labrador retrievers would come into perfect focus, revealing not a canine line of love bugs but rather a formidable contingency of hairy wild boars.
Today, I wear glasses and on occasion, contact lenses, but I find the See Clearly Method helpful in navigating in the world around me.
When we concentrate with the will power of Uri Geller and the intensity of the best German short haired pointer, we can look through and sometimes even past life’s annoying distractions.
Case in point: I arrived at the grocery check stand the other night with a small basket of vegetables and approached the 15 items or less sign.
Like a longshoreman heaving the latest supply of imported sausage, blocks of Spam, and frozen ground beef from Korea onto the dock at the Port of Oakland, a smarmy stocky aggressive middle-aged Neanderthal (and that may be an insult to the Neanderthal) was unloading his shipping container.
All I did, seriously this is true, all I did was look up to the 15 items or less sign. That’s it. I just looked up.
With my glance, Lunkhead and his wife, who resembled Joan Weston– a former roller derby fullback– glared at me, standing there with my petite satchel of veggies. Why in the hell is she in the 15 items or less line, they seemed to be transmitting in a long-lost primordial language through skulls that had an extra inch of bone surrounding brains that can only be described as translucent.
I looked through them, partly because he was scary and partly as a survival mechanism.
He said, ” You may have to wait an extra 3 minutes.”
I said, “That was an unnecessary comment.”
He said, ” Well, I can say anything I want because this is America and it is a free country so f_ _ _ you.” He smiled and continued offloading his shipment.
Even the romaine lettuce and small grape tomatoes in my basket seemed to jump at that vulgarity, spoken so harshly in such a lovely neighborhood store.
Still, I refused to meet his one eye, this cyclops at the check stand.
I wish I could report to you all, my devoted readers and at times, my cheerleaders, that the See Clearly Method worked.
I called the night-manager who looked about fourteen years old and gave her a stern lecture on The Rules. The poor kid working at the check stand apologized for what he said was a “situation”they couldn’t control.
I took issue with that statement.
“If your employees allow people to misuse the 15 items or less aisle, then people like that Oakland Raider fan and his biker-woman will abuse the rules, oh and by the way, whoever planned your brand new check stands should know that if you can count items, like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and so on, then the signs should read 15 items or fewer, do you GET IT?
Do you see clearly?