Celery

by cheri block

So I went in to see my doctor on Friday to learn if my Spartan food choices during the last several months have improved my high cholesterol.

By chance, I ran into Judge Blah in the doctor’s office. He too, had come to learn if his Bacchanalian food choices had damaged his low cholesterol.

I take cholesterol medicine to combat my genetics.

He does not.

I am fit and of perfect weight, around 115 pounds.

He is fit but thick, not unlike a good healthy pasta sauce, one made with turkey instead of beef.

I avoid food that I love and crave: ice cream and chocolate.

He eats ice cream before he goes to bed—at least 4 times a week, sometimes with chocolate sauce slathered all over it.

I take a multi-vitamin with folic acid, walk up a hill every morning (rain or shine) and order salads when I’d rather have a grilled cheese sandwich on white bread.

He refuses to take vitamins and has that grilled cheese sandwich on white bread with a side order of fries.

I opt for fruit.

He opts for chips.

I settled myself on the examining table, still reading blog posts on my iPhone and waiting for the good news.

In walked my cute doctor, Muni.

Geez Cheri, I can’t believe your cholesterol went up 15 points in 6 months. What are you eating?


A new lousy prescription in hand, I left the office in a funk.

Judge Blah arrived home before dinner with a spring in his step. Well, I am happy to report that my cholesterol went down below 180, he beamed.

I looked at the dog, asleep in her donut bed.

What’s for dinner, Cheri? He inquired as he made himself a vodka tonic.

Celery, I said.

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About Cheri

Writer, artist, cable television host, grandmother to four!
This entry was posted in Life and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Celery

  1. kseverny says:

    i shouldn’t laugh.
    Must be so difficult.
    Especially when you’re making so much effort.

    • Cheri says:

      It’s OK to laugh. That’s why I wrote it!
      Thanks for reading. I see you are from England.
      Correct?
      Can you believe I have never been to England and I have taught English all my life?
      I am planning a trip in 1 1/2 years.

  2. Phil says:

    How about you and Judge Blah swapping diets for a while?

    You might be pleasantly surprised by the result.

  3. Several years ago when my doctor saw my cholesterol beginning to go up he recommended a diet. Nothing worked. Now I take a little pink pill evry day and all is well. And I can eat alsmost all I want with moderation.
    Cheer up, there is life even with cholesterol.

  4. Ellen says:

    now we know where they got that expression: there ought to be a law…
    Anyway, I can relate. When I worked my blood pressure and cholesterol were always low. Yes I ate all the right things, but would have the occasional banned food. It was never a problem. Well I retired and began being VERY active. My cholesterol is now through the roof. they say it is ok because it is the good that went up the highest…but still. So I have no drugs yet but I am thinking about those natural supplements that are supposed to knock it down.
    Whale

  5. zeusiswatching says:

    You and I seem to have the same frustrating problem, the numbers just don’t move in the right direction for me either. The healthy eating and fitness can’t hurt so I don’t plan on giving up the 21st Century urban asceticism.

    • Cheri says:

      Good word, Zeus—asceticism.

      Hummus, walnuts, oat meal. And according to Paul, below, dark chocolate. Will check his advice out.

      • zeusiswatching says:

        I am one of those rather rare people who does not like chocolate at all. I’ve tried to eat the stuff for the sake of good health, but I just don’t like it. I’ll leave it to the rest of the world to figure out how to get rid of the stuff before it takes over all the aisle space at the grocery store.

        Fish, some nuts (walnuts for sure) veggies and some kinds of fruit are my chosen foods for attempted healthy eating.

      • Cheri says:

        Hi Zeus,
        We have 7 walnut trees on our property and all these years, the squirrels have beat me to the harvest.

        I have been reading about ways to lower cholesterol on the Mayo Clinic website and yes, walnuts and fish are right up there.

        Next year, the squirrels will be the big losers…

  6. Get dark chocolate, it’s real yummy and even a diabetic can eat all she or he wants. As for supplements, been there, done them, no good.

  7. andreaskluth says:

    Life ain’t fair.

    Your genes make your cholesterol go up for no reason, mine make me shorter than I would like.

    Then again, yours also make you Cheri, and mine make me me.

    • Cheri says:

      Life ain’t fair but so many wonderful souls make it meaningful, that’s for sure.

      And so many jerks make the meaningful more meaningful.

  8. Brighid says:

    It is the reverse at our house, thank god. Never having been one for taking pills, I would not do well I’m thinking if I had to be on them.
    Genes must have a lot to do with the good, the bad & the ugly. My dad at 86 still has ice cream nightly, and salts the heck out of everything, my mother at 85 wouldn’t know a balanced diet if it was written in permanent marker on her frig door.

  9. Man of Roma says:

    Oh don’t worry Cheri. Two pieces of advice given here seem to me solid: Bacchanalia and the pink pill. You can alternate 🙂

  10. Richard Manchester says:

    Since the priority must be Judge Blah’s needs and expectations, we clearly have a case for mediation.

    I note that you do not cook your celery. If you do so, it will be more suited to the judge’s palate. Ladle on an appropriate cheese sauce and add a scoop-full of ice-cream. Glenys will be in the kitchen this evening preparing something similar for me, now that we have got past the Ides of March.

  11. Peter G says:

    This is the best-tasting and healthiest dark chocolate on the market. You can order it online.

    Oddly, it also contains wheat grass, spirulina, broccoli, and all kinds of other funny ingredients one wouldn’t expect to find in chocolate.

    Remember, I’m Viennese. I know about chocolate. When I say this one is the best-tasting dark chocolate on the market, you can take that to the bank.

    And no, I don’t get a commision for recommending this particular brand.

  12. Man of Roma says:

    @Peter G
    Viennese? God, THAT is interesting. Viennese parents and born in the states?

  13. Peter G says:

    Viennese mother and Lower Austrian father. (Lower Austria is one Austria’s nine “states” and it surrounds Vienna like Maryland surrounds D.C.) I was born in Vienna and raised in a small Viennese suburb in Lower Austria. Technically speaking, I’m not sure if I’m Viennese or Lower Austrian.

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