by Mrs. Sabraw
Good morning students, welcome to Room N-9.
You may be wondering what the N stands for. Oh sure, you might think that just because this whole wing is the N-wing that N-9 refers to one room in that wing, but you are oh so wrong. Room N-9 refers to No Nonsense Nine.” (some faces frown, some faces show amusement, some faces remain stoic)
Don’t get me wrong, students. By No-Nonsense, I mean that I am a teacher who will not put up with immature behavior that reminds me of 7th graders. Any of you have siblings who are junior high school students? If so, then you understand. No one and no thing will detract or distract from the educational experience of another. To enforce this No-Nonsense environment, I insist on the following rules:
1. No cell phones. All cell phones will be put in an individual cubby hole, one of 35 in that honeycomb-looking plywood box that my husband built for my classroom. You will turn off your cell phone, store it there until all 55 minutes of amazing instructional time have been experienced, and pick it up on your way out.
2. No suggestive clothing is to be worn into this room. What? Oh, you have legal rights? I don’t care what they are. In my room, no distractions from the serious business of writing instruction, complemented by fascinating literary analysis, will be allowed. You have a problem with that? (giggling) Please excuse yourself and head to the office where you can transfer out of my class and into Ms. Turley’s or Ms. Sweeezt’s class. Oh? You’re not so sure now? Let me know your druthers at the end of class. (druthers means your thoughts)
3.Regardless of your embarrassment of hat head hair, no hats are to be worn while class is in session. Why? Because last year, one of my freshmen, had written the answers to his vocabulary test on the underside of his brim. At first I thought he was just performing a crab imitation, but upon closer inspection, I realized he was cheating. (laughter)
4. Cheating–all forms of it–is not allowed. What is my definition of cheating? Good question because your parents might have taught you that say, copying homework isn’t cheating. Copying homework, trading quiz questions, having your paid tutor correct your essays, and pilfering ideas and exact paragraphs from the internet are all cheating. Don’t do it or you will flunk my class. (things are very quiet now)
5. Please study the bumper sticker I have on my closet over there. (heads turn) I will read it aloud just to make sure you get it. ” I Refuse to Have a Battle of Wits with an Unarmed Person.” This is to suggest that you come to class prepared. It’s a little taste of Life.
6. There are 33 students in this 4th period class. If you believe that you cannot function in the environment I have just described, please stop in at the office after class and have yourself transferred out by tomorrow, because tomorrow, your exciting educational experience begins.
The next day all 33 arrive on time.
It’s as simple as that.